The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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