Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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