Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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