dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
