I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize