so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
porn star boner night. come get it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
