I will die if light touches me.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
