I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
