that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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