I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
