You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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