I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
