just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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