She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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