Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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