My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
