omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Randomize
