"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
