Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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