Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
