he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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