Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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