at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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