Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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