I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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