what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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