I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It was confusing and full of hummus
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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