surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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