You really coming over, don't trick.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
