you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize