"it" just moved
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
