time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
