Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
