..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
