When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
