I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
