Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize