its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
