Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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