I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
