The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
