No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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