can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
