Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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