i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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