You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
