Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize