he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
even my farts smell like vagina
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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