I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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