pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
Randomize
