plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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