i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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