i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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