I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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