before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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