i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
