Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
