I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
