love makes seman taste better
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
