pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
