things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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