I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
