If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just had sex bonerless
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
