We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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