Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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