Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
