i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
