My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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