on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
should my penis look like a turkey
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
