So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
