Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
