Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Mom said you looked used
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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