My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
