Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
