I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
