she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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