I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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