Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
