Someone shit on the floor
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
