Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
