We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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