I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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