I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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