I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
