After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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