Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
