in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
