Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
