and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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