The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize
