this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
