There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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