I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
