A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
