She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
