I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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